This weekend I cried.
Call me a baby or what you will, but I really did.
Sometimes I cry when I am happy.
Sometimes I cry when I am sad.
This weekend was the See Jane Triathlon, the one that I have been training all summer long for. This summer I focused on my swimming. My plan was to cut my swimming time and therefore, improving my overall time.
I watched videos after video online learning how to improve my stroke. I read a book from a past Olympian swimmer and tried and practiced the techniques in the water. I had helped from my friend who is an excellent swimmer, she watched me and gave me tips on how to improve.
I practiced and practiced and practiced.
Last year while I was training for the 400 m swim, it took me 15:00 and race day I did it in about 11:00. I was super proud of myself and that I was able to swim the whole distance especially because I had just learned to swim.
This year, with all of my training and help from books and friends, I got my time down to 9:35. My best time was 9:23. I was pretty solid for weeks maybe even months, I didn't keep track.
A couple weeks before the Triathlon, my swimming time was increasing and I had no idea why. I was trying just as hard, but I could not get down to my usual time.
Race day came and the race was actually delayed 1 hour while they were working on re-routing our bike route because of unexpected construction. That was a bummer!
Finally, it was time. I stayed to the side like I did last year. I started out okay, but then very quickly it was SO HARD! I had no form whatsoever, I was just trying to stay afloat and swim. My arms began to get so heavy and ache. I did whatever I could just to finish. I knew in my heart after the swim that it wasn't any easier this year and that I probably did not beat my time.
The bike was great and the run went fine. I don't know if I will ever love running. At the end of the race, I just didn't feel that great because I knew I did not accomplish the goal that I had set for myself. All I wanted to do, was to improve in my swimming.
The next day, I check my stats and found out that I actually did worse this year on my swim. I was crushed, disappointed and so depressed.
If anyone knows me, they know that I work really hard. I usually go above and beyond with most things that I do. It was so disappointing to work so hard and not see results. I would have been happy to see any improvement in my time.
I shut the door to my room and cried in my pillow.
I just wanted to quit and felt like not ever trying again!
It's been a couple of days and I feel better. I'm going to keep trying but I think maybe I should have a goal to just finish the race instead of trying to beat times.
Overall, I did pretty good. I'm in the top 27% of women my age and in the top 32% overall. I just need to look at the big picture and not be so hard on myself.
I've been quite busy these days. I was released as Primary Secretary and was called as 1st counselor in the R.S. presidency (which I am actually over the R.S. activities, not teachers). So last week, I was doing double callings. I've been also swapping with a couple of friends so I can volunteer in Xander's and Mia's class and I've been teaching a mother's preschool for Zoey. So my days are busy!
I need a break! Maybe I should go to Disneyland??