Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Finding out about myself. . .

When my parents came to visit me for Christmas my Mom brought me some things that she had from Michigan. She gave me a file from what I gather are documents and notes gathered from the social worker.

I found it so fascinating as I scrolled over these notes and tried to imagine myself as this 1 1/2 year old. Here are some interesting facts that I learned about myself and some things that are still true to this day.

I was admitted to Holt (the adoption agency) on December 21, 1978. That means I was probably about a year and a half when I was abandoned. They recorded that my weight and height exceeds average age level.

This is probably because in the notes before it talks about how I have a really good appetite and that I'm not particular when it comes to food, which is still true today. I'll eat anything!

I was shy around strangers but warmed up to people I saw more often. I was placed in a foster home with a family that had 3 boys ages 8, 10, and 12. It says that they loved me and took good care of me.

I also preferred boys better. Which is true even today. I'm not a super tom boy, but I have always gotten along with the boys and hung out with them. Sometimes I will find with friends that I enjoy talking to the husband more than the wife.

This next thing surprised me. They said I was mischievous and does errands in the room. My mother told me that I could keep myself entertained and play quietly.

They also said that I spoke many words and understands well. Not always saying real words, but I said, "um-ma" for mama, "ab-ba" for papa, and "neh" for yes. I think "neh" is actually Korean. I don't know about the other words.

Their last notes were, "Soo Ah (that was my Korean name) is physically healthy and sound, and is developing well. She is cute and lovely looking little girl ready for adoption."

This is a picture of me of what I looked like on my flight to the United States. I call this my refugee picture.


I analyze many things. One thing that I analyze quite often is what attributes did I get from my birth parent and which ones from my adoptive parents. I probably think about this more than I should. I think that it is just on my mind because I'm trying to figure out myself.

This is what I have concluded. I think that I have attributes and behaviors that are due to genetics and I also have behaviors that stem from the environment I grew up in. But I also think that some things about myself are just who I am and that no matter where or who raised me, I would still have the same qualities.

It's a testimony to me that we existed before this life and that we will exist again after this life.

Another thing that I have a testimony of is priesthood blessings, that the priesthood holder giving the blessing is the mouthpiece. That the words spoken are from our Heavenly Father. In the folder I also found the words from my name and blessing that was given to me.

As I read over the words, it felt familiar. It felt like my patriarchal blessing. It's my Heavenly Father speaking to me in a way, that there is no doubt that he knows me. That I am special to him. That I am important.

Some people who are adopted struggle with the "unknown". I have never been one that has struggled. I've never wondered "why' and "what if". I've always been so grateful to have the life that I have and even with this little bit of information that I have received, I don't feel any different.

I also know that in the next life, I will get to meet my birth parents. And you know, the first thing I will say is, "Thank you for giving me a better life!" and I will embrace them.

I think my Mom and Dad so extraordinary to have adopted 5 children and given each one of them a better life! I will be forever grateful.


(This is a picture that was taken of me when I became a citizen of the United States. I was in 5th grade. It took so long because my birthdate was incorrect on my birth certificate.)


Sarah said...

That is hekka cool--you are awesome for sure--no matter who raised you. I bet your birth parents would be proud of who you've become--just like the parents who raised you are.

Hannah said...

This is so interesting! I love seeing that little picture of Soo Ah Kim....it makes me wonder a lot of things too. About your birth parents and their situation, etc. I can imagine that would occupy plenty of thoughts. But, like Sarah said, I'm sure they would be proud of you and I'm glad you ended up where you did so that you could be part of our family!

Abby Watson said...

Ditto! IT's really cool to learn all that stuff about you. I see a lot of you in Mia from that 5th grade picture!

The Pixton Family said...

What a great post. Adoption is such a beautiful blessing. Thanks for sharing!

Jim Porter said...

Mother in Korean is omanee, little kids say, "oma.". Father is aboji, little kids say, "aba."

Jim Porter said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kathy said...

That was so interesting! What a darling child you were. I can see Mia and Zoey both. I'm happy that your life led you to Ben and that you are part of our family. Love you.