Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Big Girls Do Cry. . .Sometimes

This weekend I cried.

Call me a baby or what you will, but I really did.

Sometimes I cry when I am happy.

Sometimes I cry when I am sad.


This weekend was the See Jane Triathlon, the one that I have been training all summer long for.  This summer I focused on my swimming.  My plan was to cut my swimming time and therefore, improving my overall time.

I watched videos after video online learning how to improve my stroke.  I read a book from a past Olympian swimmer and tried and practiced the techniques in the water.  I had helped from my friend who is an excellent swimmer, she watched me and gave me tips on how to improve.

I practiced and practiced and practiced.

Last year while I was training for the 400 m swim, it took me 15:00 and race day I did it in about 11:00.  I was super proud of myself and that I was able to swim the whole distance especially because I had just learned to swim.

This year, with all of my training and help from books and friends, I got my time down to 9:35.  My best time was 9:23.  I was pretty solid for weeks maybe even months, I didn't keep track.

A couple weeks before the Triathlon, my swimming time was increasing and I had no idea why.  I was trying just as hard, but I could not get down to my usual time.


Race day came and the race was actually delayed 1 hour while they were working on re-routing our bike route because of unexpected construction.  That was a bummer!


Finally, it was time.  I stayed to the side like I did last year.  I started out okay, but then very quickly it was SO HARD!  I had no form whatsoever, I was just trying to stay afloat and swim.  My arms began to get so heavy and ache.  I did whatever I could just to finish.  I knew in my heart after the swim that it wasn't any easier this year and that I probably did not beat my time.

The bike was great and the run went fine.  I don't know if I will ever love running.  At the end of the race, I just didn't feel that great because I knew I did not accomplish the goal that I had set for myself.  All I wanted to do, was to improve in my swimming.

The next day, I check my stats and found out that I actually did worse this year on my swim.  I was crushed, disappointed and so depressed.

If anyone knows me, they know that I work really hard.  I usually go above and beyond with most things that I do.  It was so disappointing to work so hard and not see results.  I would have been happy to see any improvement in my time.

I cried.

I shut the door to my room and cried in my pillow.

I just wanted to quit and felt like not ever trying again!

It's been a couple of days and I feel better.  I'm going to keep trying but I think maybe I should have a goal to just finish the race instead of trying to beat times.

Overall, I did pretty good.  I'm in the top 27% of women my age and in the top 32% overall.  I just need to look at the big picture and not be so hard on myself.

I've been quite busy these days.  I was released as Primary Secretary and was called as 1st counselor in the R.S. presidency (which I am actually over the R.S. activities, not teachers).  So last week, I was doing double callings.  I've been also swapping with a couple of friends so I can volunteer in Xander's and Mia's class and I've been teaching a mother's preschool for Zoey.  So my days are busy!

I need a break!  Maybe I should go to Disneyland??


Hannah said...

Shoot, Val! That IS upsetting! BUT, it sounds like your overall scores were great. AND I'm sure all that swimming training resulted in some muscles, flexibility and stamina that you wouldn't have if you hadn't worked so hard. That kinda stuff just doesn't always show up on the clock...there are just so many factors on race day (being in a lake, temperatures, crowds in the water, pressure, waves,etc). I don't blame you for feeling disappointed, but I know you'd kick my booty (we don't say "butt") in the water!

Sarah said...

I know exactly how you feel and a good cry is therapeutic sometimes. I'm proud of you for all your work no matter the race time! Wish we lived closer so you could come take a break over here!

Michael Family said...

Aw, that sucks. Crying feels good sometimes. That is really disappointing, I know. If it makes you feel any better (which it probably doesn't), my swim split was worse too! I think everyone got a little funky from the hour delay. And if you've consistently improved in training, one race-day swim split won't reflect the skills and fitness you've gained overall. Way to stick with it.

Kathy said...

Im so proud of you Val! Don't worry about numbers. Your accomplishment is so awesome. Even Olympians have bad days or bad spells. Don't give up. (Also...now I know why Mia has trouble losing....Like mother like daughter)

The Pixton Family said...

I think it's amazing that you did it! I've never tried a triathlon because of the swimming-- that part scares me!